Friday, November 4th, 2005
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10:35 am - yep thats it...new LJ
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Tuesday, October 25th, 2005
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8:18 pm
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Sunday, October 23rd, 2005
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3:47 pm
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Saturday, October 22nd, 2005
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5:17 pm - me being bored
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x your confessions:
[ ] I'm afriad of the quiet.
[X] I am really ticklish.
[x] I'm afraid of the dark
[ ] I'm afraid of facing my back to open doors at night.
[ ] I am homosexual.
[x] I believe in true love
[x] I've run away from home
[ ] I listen to political music.
[ ] I collect comic books.
[x] I shut others out when I'm sad.
[ ] I open up to others easily.
[X] I am keeping a secret from the world.
[X] I watch the news.
[x] I own over 5 rap CDs.
[X] I own something from Hot Topic.
[X] I love Disney movies.
[ ] I am a sucker for green eyes.
[ ] I don't kill bugs.
[X] I curse regularly
[ ] I have "x"s in my screen name
[X] I've slipped out a "lol" in a real conversation.
[X] I love Spam.
[X] I bake well.
[x] I have worn pajamas to class.
[X] I have owned something from Abercrombie.
[X ] I have a job.
[x] I love Martha Stewart.
[X] I like someone.
[ ] I am guilty of tYpInG lIkE tHiS.
[x] I am self-conscious.
[X] I love to laugh.
[X] I have tried a cigarette.
[x] I have smoked a pack in one day.
[ ] I loved Go Ask Alice.
[X] I have cough drops when I'm not sick
[ ] I can't swallow pills.
[X]I have many scars.
[X] I've been out of this country.
[ ] I can't sleep if there is a spider in the room.
[X] I love chocolate.
[x] I bite my nails.
[X] I am comfortable with being me.
[X] I play computer games when I'm bored.
[x] Gotten lost in the city.
[X] Seen a shooting star
[ ] Had a serious surgery.
[X] Gone out in public in your pajamas.
[x] Have kissed a stranger.
[X] Hugged a stranger.
[ ] Been in a bloody fist fight with someone of the same sex.
[x] Been in a fist fight.
[ ] Been arrested.
[x] Laughed and had some type of beverage come out of your nose.
[X] Pushed all the buttons on an elevator.
[ ] Made out in an elevator.
[X] Swore at your parents.
[X] Kicked a guy where it hurts.
[ ] Been skydiving.
[ ] Been bungee jumping.
[X ] Gotten stitches.
[ ] Drank a whole gallon of milk in one hour.
[X] Bitten someone
[X] Been to Niagara Falls.
[x] Gotten the chicken pox
[X] Crashed into a car.
[ ] Been to Japan.
[x] Ridden in a taxi.
[ ] Shoplifted.
[ ] Been fired.
[x] Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
[X] Stole something from your job.
[X] Gone on a blind date.
[ ] Had a crush on a teacher/coach.
[ ] Celebrated Mardi Gras in New Orleans.
[ ] Been to Europe.
[x] Saw someone/something dying.
[X] Driven over 400 miles in one day.
[x] Been to Canada.
[x] Been On A Plane.
[X] Seen the Rocky Horror Picture Show.
[ ] Thrown up in a bar.
[ ] Eaten Sushi.
[ ] Been snowboarding.
[ ] Been skiing.
[x]Been ice skating.
[X] Cried in public.
[x] Walked purposely into traffic with your eyes closed.
[X] Liked someone even though you knew you shouldn't have.
-Pass this on with your own confessions--
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(comment on this)
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2:00 pm - a retraction
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no more PA...
no more seeing him...
no more excited ashley...
going back to my day dreams of what could have been.
i don't want to be upset about this but i was really looking forward to all of it.
but i know theres more weekends. and maybe things will work out...
no more lying live journal. i'll just go get drunk tonight.
current mood:  disappointed
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, October 20th, 2005
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7:36 pm - one the road again...come on sing it w/me now
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i'm going to PA next weekend
: )
to see him...
i hope it all goes good.
can u just picture me driving three hours by myself. its going to be HALARIOUS.
also coming to Cleve hill for a visit before i leave that friday. 10:30ish i'm showing up. i'm listening to all of band. and this time i mean it.
rar...thats my excitement rar
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, October 16th, 2005
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7:24 pm - LJ seems to be only used for bitching...
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and now i'm going to talk about all the things that i want to complain about. if you don't want know about it then don't read on...that seems fair
* i hate college in general but theres some subcategories for this
- i hate how dumb but hard my math is all at the same time
- i don't like how my language teacher tries to be extreamly funny but when it comes right down to it shes a bitch.
- i wish i could take tests so that my GPA doesn't suck anymore. y can't i just do good?
- it sucks having no friends there. i've been told thats my fault. well don't i suck too.
on a side note. even tho i want to go to college and i want to get my degree i know that in the long run i'm going to hit my late 20's hopefully be married and i'm going to end up sitting at home w/my children (who i will love and adore no doubt) but my degree will seem to be much of a waste. all i hope is that when i grow up i can have the job that i've always dreamed of having AND have the children that i dreamed of having as well. but this is all only debatable if i become remotly interesting to a man who might want to marry me.
* i want a god damned mother fucking boyfriend. i don't want just any old b/f. i want a specific b/f. he knows who he is. but my neverending question still sits. whats going to happen w/us?
* my ass hurts from horseback riding (totally knew that was going to happen tho)
* i want an easy way to make money that is legal
i think thats fine for right now...
comment. i like those.
current mood:  anxious
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, October 13th, 2005
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5:45 pm
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i think i'm the only kind in the world who wishes that their mom would divorce their dad.
and not even for the sake of their marriage or them fighting or anything like that.
i just can't take it anymore. i hate it. i really just fucking hate it.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Wednesday, October 12th, 2005
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6:57 pm - sex srurvey!!!!
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Everyone has them it's just no one talks about them. Fill out your answers and repost this or send it to your friends. Have fun and happy humping.
1. What age did you give up the booty? to a girl or guy? guy....15 y/o
2. Biggest turn on spot adove the waist? this little spot on my ear...i don't know how people find it tho.
3. Biggest turn off: someone shoving their tounge into my ear.
4. Most intresting place you have had sex or fooled around? u really want to know? ok a bridge
5. Tongue piercings good or bad? don't know. don't want to know really
6. Fav color underwear? i love cool styles on boxers. gives me something to look at for o 5 seconds.
7. Sex in the shower? not yet. i always say w/my luck i'll slip and fall and break something.
8. Have you had sex in a pool or hot tub? i've fooled around in a hot tub but we didn't have sex.
9. Have you had sex while at a friends party? hmm def. of party? how mant people have to be there
10. Ever played while someone was watching? mmm kind of
11. Oldest person you have been with? 26
12. Have you ever done it on your parents bed? i've fooled around on my parents bed
13. Most embarrassing sexual moment? i really don't know
14. For the guys which is better? Butt or boobs? not a guy a get to skipp this (fyi butt)
15. Ever had a 3-way? eh kind of
16. Ever kissed the same sex? uh yeah
17. Whips and handcuffs? i've had handcuffs pulled on me before
18. Hot wax? only when they wax my eyebrows
19. Passionate sex or rough style? pationate. u feel it more.
20. Is the sex really better when your in love or into the person? for the most part i believe so
hope u guys didn't take this seriously. : D
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(comment on this)
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Monday, October 10th, 2005
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11:12 pm - sometimes no matter what....
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Friday, September 30th, 2005
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7:49 am - It about time i've said something
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This is for Brittany....if she read it....
I AM OFFICIALLY MAD BECAUSE YOU NEVER SAY ANYTHING TO MY COMMENTS EVER ANYMORE.
This upsets me only because i don't see you or talk to you anymore and a response to the comments i leave you would be nice. not all of them just some of them.
thank you for listening to my crazyness. have a nice day.
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(2 comments | comment on this)
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Thursday, September 29th, 2005
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2:08 pm - damn it...i'm bored
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Name: Ashley...i'm a one name show like madonna or prince
Height: 5'1"
Shoe size: 7 1/2 or 8
Hair color: umm dark brown/red
Eyes: Blue
College: Canisius
Favorite place: when i was younger i used to love my closet. but i have to saw online is a favorite place of mine
Favorite soda: vanilla or cherry coke/pepsi
Game system: attarie bitches!!!
Favorite show: CSI
Gold or Silver: white gold
Favorite dog: well fuckin barron of course....and the ying-ster
Cell phone co: Verizon
Favorite sport: bowling...and yes its a sport so fuck off. oh and i LOVE football as well
Favorite computer: my lovely laptop
Favorite fruit: peaches
Favorite milkshake: chocolate
Favorite color: turquise
Favorite state: ummm i don't know?
Do you...
Have a crush on someone: oh yes
Wish you could live somewhere else: mmm not really. i like it here.
Think about suicide: hell no...i've seen what that shit does to other people
Think others find you attractive: a few do i'm sure
Want more piercing: i just got 2 more like a month ago...give me a little time to heal first
Like cleaning: depends on what i'm cleaning. like my room is disgustingly dirty right now...uh
Like roller coasters: no. not at all. except if its one of those little kiddy ones. they are fun
Write in cursive or print: cursive unless i'm in spanish. u can't really write spanish in cursive
Last talked to: i'm in an office. i don't remember
Last thought: y the fuck don't i have brain tumors if my head hurts so much...and i really want pie
Last showered: 11ish
Last cut your nails: i don't think i've EVER actually cut my nails. i always pick at them.
Last watched anime: who watches anime?
Have you ever…
Ever cried over a person: y sure.
Ever been arrested: never arrested. i'm good at getting away when i get caught. or at least getting off easy
Ever had a friend die: i'd never want to ever have to go through that
Ever dated a cousin: hahaha no...but my one 3rd cousin from jamestown...hes pretty sexy. haha
Ever used a gun: uh huh
Ever finished a puzzle: ah i love my wheres waldo puzzle
Ever had surgery: no
Ever got beat up: haha not seriously
Ever hated someone: strongly dislike....no one should hate
Ever made a huge mistake: umm sure
Ever jogged a mile: i think i did last night
Ever played w/ someone's feelings: sometimes its just fun...thats the bitch in me talking
What...
Shoes are you wearing: black dress shoes...flats....a little platformish....trying to look like a loefer. haha
Are you scared of: life
Do you sleep in: underwear and a tank top or t-shirt. unless i'm at E's...she makes me put pants on
Did you eat for lunch: a chicken ceasar salad and when i'm done w/this i'm gonna go get pie!
Number of…
Of times I have had my heart broken: oh wow
Of hearts I have broken?: a few
Of guys/girls you've rejected? not many.
Of car accidents you been in: one
Of people you lead on?: lead on? no they all know my games. if they don't their dumb
Do you think you are…
Pretty/handsome: i have my days
Funny: oh i'm fuckin halarious
Hot: on hot days i'm hot
Loveable: oh yes
Caring: i have to be. its human nature. or sould be
Dorky: haha yes
Cocky: i prefer bitchy.
Girly: no not really
Boyish: i like my man pants but i don't go taping my boobs down
Smart: to an extent
Pimp: i'm pimp yo!
Person who last:
Slept in your bed: me...it is my bed
Saw you cry: prob. erica
Made you cry: the car...i hit my head and it hurt like a bitch and the tire had just gone flat. it was a bad night
Yelled at you: oh who knows
Sent you an email: some shit from canisius. they send me like 50 e-mails a day
Hve you ever…
Said "i love you" and meant it?: yes. i've said it to one person. and one person only. and i do love him.
Gone out in public in your pajamas? uh yeah
Kept a secret from everyone?: theres things that no one will EVER know about me. EVER
Cried during a movie?: the little mermaid gets me every time
Ever at anytime owned new kids on the block stuff?: posters and tapes. but they were kind of my sisters too
Planned your week based on the TV Guide?: oh hell yeah
Been on stage?: it was a big part of my life. i wish college wasn't so hectic so i could do it now
Been to New York?: if we r talkin about the state than yea i'm there right now
Been to California?: never
Hawaii?: no
China?: i'd only go there to get my little old man thats on hold for me
Canada?: it is right there *points out the window*
Europe?: Not yet
This or that.....
Apples or bananas?: apples and bananas.
Blue or red?: Blue.
Walmart or target?: oo tough call. super walmart
Spring or fall?: Fall.
Other…
What are you going do after you finish this?: go get pie
What was the last meal you ate?: lunch...salad
Are you bored?: i'm doing this aren't i?
Last noise you heard?: theres music playing
Last smell you sniffed?: my pepsi
Last time you went out of state/province? summer i went to PA
Friendship/love…
Do you want children one day & if so, how many? omg i want kids SO bad. i want like 5. i know i'm a crazy bitch
Do you believe in love at first sight?: i wonder about it
Most important thing to you in a friendship is?: fuck this question
Random stuff..
Criminal record?: eh...i don't know. none i think
Do you speak any other languages?: el espanol
Name some of your favorite things in your bedroom: my 2 beds and TV and i dont' know. it really needs to get cleaned
piercings and where?: 5 ear piercings
Your..
Nickname(s): ash, jack, jackamack, shley, shelly, big ben, jimmy hat, oh fuck i know theres more but oh well
How old do you look?: i pass or 22 so how does that sound?
How old do you act? anywhere from 5-30
Braces: oh yeah i had those
Do you have any pets?: 2 cats
You get embarrassed?: eh sometimes. not really tho
What upsets you: people....stupid people...ignorant people...niave people...
all set. time for pie. peace yo
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 26th, 2005
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8:05 am - ok so here it goes....its like that crazy X files shit right here
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so i keep having dreams about being pregnant. not only do i have dreams but sometimes w/out noticing what i'm doing i start day dreaming about what should happen if i were to get pregnant. as for the dreams they just keep getting more discriptive w/every time i have them. last night for example...this is how it went
so i'm sleeping and this is what i see...first i obviously look down and my belly is big. but suprisingly i didn't know i was pregnant right away. anyway. so its kind of day to day activity stuff then WABAM i go right into labor. how do i know? i just know. its not full fledged labor. but i know i'm going to have my baby some time soon. so my mother drives me to the hospital and they get me all set up in a room. the dr. checks me out and tells me that i have awhile before the i'm even ready to start delivering. so just go home and come back tmr. or some shit like that. so i leave. and we all know how walking is good for a person whos in labor cause it speeds things up so i go for a walk with erica and we stoped at b-quick and freakin had my baby in the b-quick parking lot. now amoung all this i'm trying to realize who the father of my child is like for some reason i have dream amnesua (totally mispelled) and i do the dream math and my baby was conceived in january and well i guess the only person that slept w/in january was chris. (haha). but i don't tell him the baby is born. it was a girl by the way. i called her Eva. i'm fucking crazy. anyway so the next day i go to school! at cleve hill! and low and behold no one knows about my pregnancy so i'm telling people about it and then lisa got a note taken away by mrs. Wiklowski and i went in there and screamed at her about how shes an ignorant little bitch and she should have some decency because i just gave birth yest. and yada yada yada. so she gives me a gazillion detention slips and i told her thanks bitch i don't go to this school anyway....i guess i was just visiting. so the 3rd period bell rings and i have no clue where anyone is and i'm just wandering around the school looking for something to do then my alarm went off. the scariest part of it all was when i was "giving birth" to this so called baby i actually felt pain. maybe i had gas. i don't know. but its just totally freaking. my theory is that its my brain tumor playin games w/me...oh yeah i think i have a brain tumor but thats another discussion for another day.
hope u enjoyed this because i sure did. i have to go to class now. GAY!!! but eh whatever.
leave me comments on how u think i'm absolutly insane
<3 aSh
current mood:  confused
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(comment on this)
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Monday, September 19th, 2005
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10:48 am - live journal...where art thou?
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i've been ignoring u lovely live journal. but this is only because things have been quite busy.
i watched WAY too much foot ball this weekend. madden all night at seans. game a CHS on saturday morning. some more madden at seans that night. THEN the bills game on sunday. whew. it was insane.
i have a giant scratch/bruise on my arm. i don't know how it got there. i just noticed it in the middle of friday night. poof it just appeared. it hurts too. but its also fun to look at.
"guys are gay...and my voice is like this cause guys are gay."
well u can't hear my voice and it wouldn't matter because its an old quote. non the less i feel that guys in an essence are gay. i just want to find someone to be w/. new or old. i don't care. its just what i want. and unfortunatly i doubt i'm gonna get it.
i don't talk to anyone at college. which kind of sucks cause i feel like i'm totally ignoring the whole entire college experience but i kind of like the feeling of seclusion and being a loner that just walks from place to place on campus occasionally smoking cig. watching everyone else pass by. besides they all seem like preppy little bitches here and i have no time for that shit : )
umm lets see what else....oh i have to drive across NY next weekend. and i want to go to NYC. so i think i'm going to start planning a trip for christmas break or something like that. it would be awsome.
i keep having severe migranes that r kicking my ass. i look all hagard like i don't sleep. i'm loosing weight cause i don't eat. i'm turning into a hollow shell of nothing. not much different than who i was before. just becoming more disgusting looking w/fatigue.
and now i shall go waste time by playing games before my last class of the day thats totally pointless and i wouldn't go to it if i didn't have to. blah...
leave some comments because u either A. love me B. hate me C. are concerned about me or D. all of the freakin above...i always loved D in multiple choice questions. even if it wasn't all of the above i was still tempted to put that as the answer anyway. : )
<3 aSh
current mood:  naughty
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(comment on this)
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Thursday, September 15th, 2005
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2:58 pm - i love when these things are true
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Monday, September 12th, 2005
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9:18 pm - my thoughts (it gets sappy so u might not want to read this)
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poem first...
I'm sick of being quiet,
when theres so many questions to ask.
I'm trying to pretend that nothings going wrong,
But its such a hopeless task.
I'm sick of being patient,
when I've waited for so long.
I'm trying to listen to music,
But you remind me of every song.
I'm sick of every day being longer,
when I'm trying to sleep at night.
But most of all i'm sick of trying,
Trying to be with you.
ash original in case u were wondering. that was like 2 summers ago. maybe 3. not sure.
anyway...its 10:30something and i can't sleep.so i'm drowning my sorrows into the keys of my laptop and by some magical powers it ends up on this screen.
i really do miss u and i sometimes wonder y. this time i can't even scrounge up the courage to say something to u. not to u personally. maybe to ur away message. maybe u'll read this. not like u'll let me know. i'm beyond the point of knowing what to say to u. i don't know what else there is to say other than i'm in love w/u and that love isn't going away. its been almost 2 years since we first started to talk to each other and in those 2 years deep down my feelings have never changed for u. i tryed to change for u. tryed to do everything that i thought would make things better but i'm so confused as to what u want anymore and u never tell me anything. u say that i hide from u. that i don't tell u how i feel and that i just hide in myself. and i do. what do u expect after all of this. but if u talked to me i'd talk to u. i want so bad to make everything better but i'm sure that u and kate have already managed to make a good time for urselves again. or maybe i'm wrong. i'm not trying to be mean just realistic. i'm sure that u feel like theres nothing that we can do about this and that its done and over w/and theres no point in any of this going any further and that i should just give up any hope of u ever talking to me ever again. if thats the truth than let me know. because i need to at least know that much so that i can try...maybe try to move on w/my life. same as i've been trying to do since we first broke up...look how well thats worked.
please let me know....
<3 ash
current mood: confused
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(comment on this)
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6:01 pm - DAMN INTERNET
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WHY WON'T MYSACE WORK GURL!!!???!?!?!?!?!?!?!
current mood:  pissed off
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(comment on this)
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Sunday, September 11th, 2005
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6:48 pm - y must we have tittles?
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Hi,
My name is ashley and i'm an online addict.
by the time i turn 25 i will have carple tunnel syndrome from typing too much and i will be blind from staring at the computer screen.
i will eventually die by the time i'm in my late 30's to early 40's because i eat disgusting food and my liver has already rotted away.
YAY!!!
where my god damn comments?!?!?!?
current mood:  sick
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(comment on this)
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Saturday, September 10th, 2005
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11:43 pm - well this was just awsome
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10:09 pm - yeah man
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i wish you could change to rich text after u write ur entry and it not all disapear!
first 2 weeks of college are done. its not so bad. i'm starting to warm up to the whole thing. supposed to be doing hw right now. wanna know what i have to say to that? BITE ME HW!.
i'm on my laptop. its wireless so now i can go around my house where ever
i want to and just have fun on the internet. i'm excited i can now become a hermit and live in my room for all etirnity unless i have to eat pee or leave my house.
speaking of eating...i'm starving...going to get food is so far away tho...i'll wait. its only 10 something and i don't feel like having breakfast.
time for a song... Complete and total adoration,
My gift to you, my heart was yours,
In ten weeks you shaped it,
In one night you murdered it.
Torn from my chest and laid at your feet,
That first step that you took was the worst.
Since then you've walked a thousand miles in solace and short remark,
And I still have these memories,
But will never see what we could have been.
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now?
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember, cause that's all you can do.
We'll never make another memory,
We'll never make another memory.
I wish I would have died in your arms the last time we were together,
So I wouldn't have to wake without you today.
This time I thought things were real,
You said they were,
What happened?
You were a priority,
Was I an option?
I let you see a side of me that I don't share with anyone.
Promises are just words unless they are fulfilled.
Knew from the beginning all I had to offer you was my heart,
I'm sorry that wasn't enough.
So, we'll go our own ways,
And hopefully you'll remember these things I've told you,
Hopefully you'll understand that everything I said is in sincerity.
A broken heart is not what I wanted from this,
But I guess I've learned from it.
But aren't you supposed to learn from your mistakes?
I don't consider this a mistake,
I just wish the story didn't end this way,
Cause I'm still in love with the person who helped me write it.
Remember when you held my hand like you'd never let it go?
Remember when we talked about where we'd be a year from now? * i can't forget about you. as hard as i try i just can't seem to do it. but i'm just letting you know. that i will always be here for you. when i said that i would be there for you to be with you i meant it. but go do what you want. whatever you think will make you happy. because you know that all i really hope for is that you'll be happy. no matter what choice you make. I'm used to being on the blunt end of all of this but for some reason i still love you so....maybe one day. like i always say....maybe one day it will work out* peace out....ashley
current mood:  contemplative
current music: mad tv
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(comment on this)
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heterosexebola's journal
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